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The Opinionator: Oh Golly Gee This is a Shock

The Opinionator: Oh Golly Gee This is a Shock

Oh yes it is a shock isn’t it? I’m actually doing some fucking writing for once. Seriously though I have been very busy with school and my job where I actually get paid. Yeah you guys hear that? I don’t get paid for this yet so I have to do something to get money (and no I don’t mean prostitution) until I do indeed get paid for this. So until that happy day arrives I will write what I please whenever I bloody well please and if by chance you don’t like that then you can piss off Mr. Shitface…sorry that reflects badly on me. I should have said Mr. or Mrs. Shitface.

Well now moving on from that completely unrelated first paragraph to our actual review…or as Shane likes to call them my hate speech. Seriously, Hitler could probably learn a thing or two from me if he wasn’t dead.

Christ I did it again another fucking paragraph with no connection to the actual review. Okay so here goes. Today I am writing about the Bioshock series (see how I worked the title into it? No? Well fuck off.) Well Bioshock 1 and 2 at least as infinite isn’t out yet.

Okay so first I would like to say that I started playing the first game a few years ago and got stuck at one point so I gave up. A couple years later I went back to it and got unstuck and played a bit more but ultimately had other games to play and left it alone. I then received a copy of the Bioshock 2 Collector’s edition (which is a really well put together collector’s edition mind) and started playing that.

Now I would just like to say something before my next statement so that all the Bioshock fans don’t try to murder me. I played through 2 before I finished 1 in the same way I played Left 4 Dead 2 on console before I played Left 4 Dead 1 on console so I found L4D1 boring and I didn’t like not having melee weapons. This went the same way with Bioshock 1 and 2. I didn’t like not being able to dual wield a plasmid and a weapon. And yes I know the only reason you can in 2 is because you are a big daddy and in 1 you are a scrawny stupid vat grown human.

Well as I am here now I might as well harp on that aspect as well. The big daddy thing makes no sense. Bioshock 1 did not need a sequel. We left the city in ruins at the end of the first game.

At this point after finishing both games a while ago I really don’t remember the endings (take that for what you will) but I do remember the moral choice systems. Now let me be clear I love this series and can’t wait for Infinite and I also like the way they implemented the moral choice system. I usually think moral choice systems are stupid and shouldn’t be used but this series actually does it well.

My last few bits of opinion for this review/hate speech is that I love the plasmids in these games. Especially the one that allows you to shoot bees out of your hand. Honestly, the only better idea for a plasmid would be one that spawns a naked girl who wants to fuck you.

Just before I go I will link my unboxing of the collector’s edition of the second game here:


I really can’t wait for Bioshock Infinite to release and I have the super special Songbird Edition on preorder and I hope they can fix some of the problems from the previous games and keep the new good things from 2 but also add in some new things (like that naked girl spawning plasmid…wink wink nudge nudge 2K)

Well there you have it. My first review in a couple months and I have it written in an hour and a half after getting home from work. Well it is currently 12:12 AM on December 24th 2012 at the time of finishing this review and I will post it later today as a Christmas present to all of you.

Merry Christmas from all of us here at Gamer Codex.

~The Opinionator


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