The Opinionator: Smile in the Face of Death
Okay. Well Fuck. You see what I have to work with? No of course you fucking don’t, I haven’t told you what I am reviewing yet. So Shane picked this game up as part of my Christmas present and I thought that it would be a fun game to play for a while. This game happened to take only a freaking half hour to beat.
This game happens to be Deathsmiles. This game is a Japanese style shootemup game with 4 main characters to play as. I use the term “Main Characters” very loosely because the only reason I knew any of their names is because of the achievements.
You get achievements for everything in this game, beating a stage, beating the game, beating it with each character, and beating the piss easy boss at the end of every level.
So one of my main complaints of this game is that the levels are super short. The last two levels took me the longest (5-6 mins) whereas I could beat the others in 1-3 mins.
So I would like to just say that I only played as one character (Windia I think?) and only finished the damn game once. This is because the only thing that changes is the character model and the attacks they do. The one attack that I used whenever I had the ability was this huge fuck off missile bomb thing that kills all non-boss enemies on screen.
Next, I would like to say. WHAT. THE. FUCK. This game has hit detection like a drunk chick’s clitoris. I really do not understand it at fucking all. A lot of the time I could just let the enemy attacks fly into me (or through me technically) but other times they would hit me. I don’t know if other Schumps do this as well because this is my first (I do indeed own and have not played Otimedius Excellent (I sure hope that’s how you spell it)) of this genre.
Now I want to touch upon the ending. So all of you spoiler people out there can fuck right off now because I am giving a fair warning to you all. They really tried to crowbar in a half-baked story into this game, which they didn’t develop worth shit and I really didn’t pay attention to anyway. So at the end you have this portal. And you can choose to either go back to the real world and be with you parents or stay with your friends in the shadow realm place you are in. They then tried to make us feel bad about either decision because one side is hurt by it apparently. I chose the go home option because honestly, if they had developed the characters more and had a longer game to do that in maybe I would have had some attachment. But no, I don’t give a shit about these characters.
Now I am not just going to sell it as it was a Christmas present but I won’t be playing much more of it. I may go back to it eventually to get a lot more of the achievements because it is extremely easy to get them.
Merry Christmas Gamers